South Africa on the mind.
But what’s new?
It has finally reached that point where I can look back and say “this time a year ago, I was…” and fill in the blank with something that happened in South Africa. It’s so strange. I know I just posted an entire blog about how strange it is, but I really can’t say it enough. It’s strange.
I went back tonight and read my journal from January 23, 2010. It was the day we toured Soweto and had lunch at this wonderful place where we first got to see Zulu dancing. I had only been there one day, and I was already noticing the deep joy of the people, the joy that went beyond material possessions and radiated through their very being. Oh Lord, what a sweet memory that is.
I also looked back at my journal entry from the night before I left Azusa and it was so encouraging to read. I asked that the trip would teach me more about God and myself. That I would meet Him there and not miss out on any of the opportunities He had in store. That I would be changed. I couldn’t help but smile as I read it, because God was so faithful in answering those prayers. He answered them beyond anything I could have imagined.
I cannot express enough how amazing that trip was. I mean…obviously. It’s a year later and I still am blogging about it. ;)
Sometimes I catch myself just staring at South Africa on the map. As I stare, it’s as though a slideshow is playing in my head. Different pictures, different memories, all the people…they are all running through my mind at warp speed as I remember how much of my heart that country holds. Yet, I’m so far removed from it. There are days where staring at it on a map feels as close as I can get.
It’s been almost a year since I left for South Africa. Even as I typed that, I found myself shaking my head in disbelief. There’s no way it’s been a year. I have a friend who is about to do the South Africa semester. He leaves in a week and it’s been so strange talking to him about it. Telling him things to pack, and any other “helpful tips” I have…it feels like that was me just a few weeks ago. And, I’ll be honest, there is a part of me that is jealous whenever I talk to him. He is about the go on the greatest adventure of his life, and I’ve already done that. I know that I should just be thankful for the opportunity and the growth that I’ve experienced since…but I would be lying if I said there was no hint of jealousy.
One of my roommates just got back from studying abroad, and it’s been so interesting talking to her. Last night, we talked about how weird it is that the whole experience is over. As far back as I can remember—back in elementary school—I wanted to study abroad. It’s always been a dream of mine. And now, it’s happened. I’ve already done it. I’m not sure how to explain it but it is the strangest feeling.
I think about where I was a year ago. Nervous, unsure what the next five months would look like, yet filled with more excitement than I’ve ever known. And not having any idea that a year later, I would still be processing everything. It’s almost humorous how often I still think about it and how many facets of my life it still affects.
A year ago, I just had no idea…
I feel as though the next few months will be filled with a lot of reflection and a lot of “A year ago, I was…” I’m hopeful though that instead of that bringing about sadness and just wishing I were there, it will bring more processing, healing, and growth. Because, in a lot of ways, my South Africa experience isn’t over. As long as I’m still learning from it and it’s impacting my life, it’s still going on. South Africa is still alive in my heart. And although I long so badly to go back, I trust that God will provide that opportunity if He desires.
For now, I will rejoice that He opened that door in the first place. South Africa has shaped me more than any other experience in my life and I am so thankful for that.
