Finally getting nervous

Wow. It's been awhile since I've written on here. I'm sure part of it has just been Christmas chaos. After doing Christmas morning with my family, we drove to LA to do Christmas with my mom's family and stayed down there until Sunday morning, and then drove down to San Diego to celebrate with my dad's family and got back to Ventura yesterday afternoon. It was a very busy weekend, to say the least.

I think another part of why it's been awhile though is that I haven't really known what to say. And that goes for this blog and my journaling...which I normally do every night, but have struggled to get a sentence down this last week.

I have to admit: I'm finally starting to get nervous about South Africa. Up until this point, all the fear or nerves have been overcome by the thrill and excitement of what's to come. No concerns. No worries. Just joy. And I still feel more excited than I ever have for anything in my life, but I guess I'm starting to realize how big of a deal it is. I leave for school in 20 days, and leave for South Africa in 22 days and all of the sudden, I wonder where all the time went. I remember sitting in San Clemente when I got the email--June 19th--and now, I'm leaving in 20 days??? That's just crazy to me.

And I'm not so worried about my safety, or forgetting to pack something crucial...I'm worried about everything I'll miss out on back home. I'm sad that there will be 4 months with my friends and family that will escape. It's weird that, when I leave, people aren't going to just be sitting in their rooms, waiting for me to come back. They'll go on with their lives and make new memories and have so much to tell me about. And obviously, I don't want them to just sit around waiting but it's just....weird. I've never been gone like this before. Because even with college, I was only an hour away and could still be totally involved at home. But this is different.

I'm really bad at saying good byes, too. I've done enough of that in the past year and a half that even the thought of it could make me cry. I hate not being with the people I love. But I really do believe this is where God is taking me. And, like I said, even though now I finally am starting to get nervous, I still get giddy whenever I think about it. I no longer want to leave right this second, but I know when January 21 rolls around, I will be ready and excited.