Purse

I've been in the market lately for a new purse. I figure living in South Africa for four months, I might want a purse with a zipper and very durable. I found a few I like, and they're all crossbody which is perfect! But of course they're all soo expensive. I don't know how to post links on here (sorry for my lameness) but I LOVE this purse in either Red or Saddle:

http://www.fossil.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Product____22115053_211505?departmentCategoryId=30000&N=0&Ns=p_weight%257c0%257c%257cp_order_history%257c1&rec=2&pn=c&imagePath=ZB2787020

This one, also in Saddle or Red:

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=427213&CategoryID=46016

Or this one in Cognac:

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=412549&CategoryID=46017

Don't ask me why they're all Fossil. Weird coincidence. And sorry for the lame links...haha. I'll learn how to do that! 

I would love any of these, but they are also waaay too much. A girl can dream though, right? :)

Just a little soap and water

Our apartment has been a disaster lately. 

I think we're just too busy to take the time to clean it, but I feel like our trash always needs to be taken out, there are always dishes in the sink, candy wrappers everywhere, I mean, uh, nutrition bar wrappers everywhere... :) We have to set aside times during the week to make sure we clean it. I can't imagine what my house will be like when I'm married and a mother... Hahaha oh dear...

But anyways, last night, my roomie and I (and Nick) made pazookies, which were AMAZING by the way, and decided to just leave the dishes. Not a great call on our parts. So this morning, we wake up to dried out ice cream remains and crusted cookie pieces all over the bowls and the cookie tray. Gross. Feeling incredibly motivated, I decided to do the dishes this morning and clean all of this filth that was overtaking our sink. 

And in the process, I found myself in a place of thankfulness for God's grace. (Warning: this analogy is about to be super cheesy but oh well. I think we all need a little cheesy in our lives). You see, we are all just as dirty as those dishes. I know I am. Thinking about all the sin I've committed in just the last month...I'm even dirtier than those dishes. Because my sin isn't remains of a yummy chocolate chip cookie; it's just sin. Dirty, wrong, dishonoring sin. However, with a little warm water and soap, those dishes looked as good as new. No one using the dishes tonight would have any idea that just this morning, they were in desperate need of a bath. And that is what God does. 

One of the majesties of the Lord, at least for me, is His unfathomable ability to forgive us. To be merciful and cleanse us of any sin. I love that about Him. Because I definitely need it. No matter how dirty we get or how long we let our sin just sit there and become hard, He always has enough soap and water to clean us. To renew us. 

So this morning, the Lord taught me to be thankful for His forgiving and healing power. For the soap and water He adds to my life every day :)

Just life.

Have you ever had one of those days where it's just "pile on (your name here)" day?? 

I feel like I've had one of those weeks. Or maybe even months. Not to be dramatic but I really do just feel exhausted from everything. Each morning, I wake up feeling a little better, but by the end of the night, I'm right back where I started, if not deeper in the hole. 

This probably isn't making any sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of being sad. 

It's been like this pile of bricks dragging behind me, keeping me from fully engaging in anything and eating away at my heart. I'm not a sad person. I'm just not. But lately, I have been and I don't like it. 

A friend emailed me recently and told me she was praying that God would saturate me with a joy so heavenly people would think I was crazy. I think I'm going to start making that my prayer. I have felt so close to the Lord lately. Closer than I have in years. But there still is that gnawing loneliness. This deep sense that something is missing. Something that is precious to me. And that feeling will slowly chip away my joy. I'm going to start praying for joy. For a crazy joy that no one can understand. Not even me. 

In lighter news, I just watched the movie "Julie & Julia." I think I would really, really love to do something like that. To cook through someone's cookbook and blog about it. I mean, obviously I can't do that because it's already been done. But I would love to do something similar. Any ideas??? :)

The Hands of the Lord

The past few weeks have been rough. Feeling really lonely and confused. Questioning things that happened and words that were said. But, as I’ve said before, I have found so much peace in the Lord. And lately, that peace has been found while thinking about the hands of the Lord.

For me, especially when going through a hard time, I find a song or two and just cling to them. Usually worship songs, and they bring some sort of hope and encouragement. And I do this a lot. I could pick out songs that represent a certain time period in my life, whether grief or joy. And this time in my life is no exception. The two songs I have had on repeat lately are “Safe” by Phil Wickham and “Your Hands” by JJ Heller. Here are the (modified) lyrics to both:

“Safe” by Phil Wickham

To the one who’s dreams are falling all apart

And all you’re left with is a tired and broken heart

I can tell by your eyes you think you’re on your own

But you’re not alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas

Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet

With a love so strong, it’ll never let you go

Oh you’re not alone

You will be safe in His arms

You will be safe in His arms

Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart

This is the promise He made

He will be with you always

When everything is falling apart

You will be safe in His arms

These are the hands that built the mountains

The hands that calm the seas

These are the arms that hold the heavens

They’re holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper

Pulled the lame up to their feet

These are the arms that were nailed to a cross

To break our chains and set us free

 

“Your Hands” by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn’t there

And I have asked a thousand ways

That You would take my pain away

That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand

How to walk this weary land

Make straight the paths that crookedly lie

Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking

Heaven stands

When my heart is breaking

I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth

You healed the broken, lost, and hurt

I know You hate to see me cry

One day You will set all things right

Yeah, one day You will set all things right

Your hands

Your hands that shape the world

Are holding me, they hold me still

Your hands that shape the world

Are holding me, they hold me still

In that first Phil Wickham song, I love that line that says “The hands that hold the world are holding your heart.” Think about that.

We serve a God that is holding our hearts. He is in control of the heavens, the oceans, the mountains, and all creatures on this Earth. He holds all those things in His hands, and in the midst of it all is our hearts. Our precious hearts that He treasures so deeply.

It’s been a tough month on hearts. Not just for me, but for multiple people around me. But even when it feels so hopeless, so hard to process everything that has changed, so overwhelming to just get through the day, what comfort we have. The King of Kings is holding our hearts in His hands.

I also love this JJ Heller song. God never promised our lives would be easy. Especially as dedicated Christians who are desperately striving to follow Him and live the life He’s called us to. He said it would be hard. That we would have to pick up our cross to follow Him. And she alludes to that in this song. But, in the midst of all the hardship, we will never leave His hands. His hands are holding us still.  I think that’s one of my favorite parts of the song. I know for me, when I’m dealing with something, my heart is all over the place. Very up and down emotionally, trying to process it all, trying to fix it even though the only “fixing” that can occur is time, hoping that I’ll wake up and it will all just go away or go back to normal…my heart just goes on overdrive. But Jesus is holding our hearts. He’s holding them still, just like the verse says. To be still and know that He is God. Even in heartache, He is God and wants us to just be still with Him.

I don’t know what it is about the imagery of hands right now. Why I love it so much or what the power is behind it. But knowing that I am being held and am safe in the Lord’s hands…that’s all I could ask for.

Seattle

This past weekend, I went to Seattle and got to spend some time up there visiting good friends and that wonderful city. My plane landed Thursday night and the rest of the trip was a hilarious, fun, fulfilling blur. I visited Katie Hill and Megan and it was so great to be reunited with them. I have so much fun with those girls and think they just have the most beautiful hearts. 

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were packed with plenty of fun, touristy things to do. Friday, I toured the campus, then we went to Green Lake Park and explored and I became OBSESSED with the leaves. Living in Southern California, I have never really truly experienced Fall, and I just love it. Then we went to Downtown Seattle, and did some shopping at the first Nordstrom, saw the first Starbucks, and walked through Pikes. Plus, the sun decided to come out to play while we did all this, which was an added bonus. That night, we went to Freemont, to a fabulous Thai restaurant where we got to sit on the ground on cushions. Awesome. Saturday consisted of breakfast burritos, Kerry Park, and an impulse trip to Bainbridge Island! I had never even heard of it before but I just fell in love. It's so quaint and precious. We went to this adorable little coffee shop and walked through old bookstores and, once again, saw all the beautiful leaves. Saturday night, we had taco night with their neighbors, which is a Katie Hill tradition that I have missed deeply since going to college :)

Sunday, we went to church at Mars Hill and then came back and made brunch. Then went to the Freemont Market, sampling yummy foods and laughing at all the silly (and sometimes creepy) old trinkets people had. We got to walk along the canal and, once again, I took millions of leaf pictures (I wasn't kidding when I said I was obsessed). Then we went to pick up Megan's friend Patrick from the airport, came back and relaxed for a bit, and went to do homework at a coffee shop called Macrina. So cute. We decided to take a tour of the areas of town we didnt make it to that weekend, such as the Ave and the U District. I hope I remembered those names right, or else I just sound lame. :) 

We ended the night by going to a church and laying on the floor while monks sang. I know, I know...it sounds really funny but truthfully, it was so relaxing. Such a great way to process the weekend, all that's been going on in my heart....a great time to just sit with the Lord. 

That was a brief summary of all that happened! In between, there was lots of laughs, so many heartfelt conversations, memories made, and frosting eaten :) Here are some pictures from the trip! Enjoy!

He has overcome.

Send me a sign
A hint, or whisper
Fill me with life
'Cause I am listening

Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light
'Cause I am fading

Surround me with the rush of angels' wings


Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?


You sent a sign
The hint, O whisper
Human, divine
Everyone is listening
Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring

All around the rush of angels
O the wonder of the greatest love has come

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

The last month of my life was more overwhelming than any in my whole life. At least, as far as I can remember. And looking back, it's amazing how faithful God has been. In chapel this morning, the speaker was talking about how God loves someone who is at the end of their rope. Who has no where else to go and is face down, crying out for the Lord to help them. To bring wisdom to a situation. To overcome it all.

I can't remember many times that I have been face down before God. Maybe once before. But a couple weeks ago, I spent a good half hour on the ground, crying out to God and asking for guidance. Then again, just this weekend, I was face down before Him, crying out for forgiveness. It's unreal how willing He is to rush to the rescue. Even me being the imperfect sinner that I am, He's always there to help me climb back up that rope.

A Beauty Worth Pursuing

Okay, I'll confess...I'm a bit of a Facebook stalker. And I don't feel bad about this because EVERYONE is. Earlier tonight, I was looking through people's photos, which, by the way, 90% of the albums were called "Halloween 09". But I was looking at them and started to feel really disheartened. So many of the pictures were of people getting completely drunk, girls wearing these skimpy outfits that were barely even a costume. At least, I couldn't tell what they were.

And I'm really not trying to be judgmental with this. I hope it's not coming off that way. Because if anything, it's just really heart-breaking for me. There are all these gorgeous girls with wonderful personalities, and they're wasting it all for one night of "fun". I wish I could find every single girl in all of those pictures and tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her how much she is loved by a God who wants so much more for her.

I'm currently re-reading Captivating, a book by John and Stasi Eldredge, and they talk a lot about beauty. It's all over the first two chapters. One quote in particular I really liked is this: "Don't you recognize that a woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we are."

It makes sense to me that girls will dress or act this way. Girls who feel a lacking of love or who have rarely been told they are beautiful or captivating or worth pursuing. It makes sense because I have been blessed with a loving family and group of friends, yet it's something I struggle with every day. I think every single woman in the world does. That desire to be beautiful. To know that someone thinks she is worthy. Every woman wants that; it's just how they choose to get it.

The past few months, I've really struggled with knowing that I'm beautiful. Knowing that I am worthy of being fought for. But the past couple weeks, I realized it's because I cannot find that worth in a guy or anything else; it can only be found in the Lord. The ultimate pursuer. The only knight in shining armor. He is our Savior and He is enthralled by our beauty.

It's tough to believe that sometimes. There are so many things and people in this world constantly telling us we aren't beautiful. But WE ARE. The creator of the universe, the maker of the oceans, waterfalls, forests, flowers, mountains, and butterflies is enthralled by how beautiful we are. That is good news.

And hopefully by the time Halloween 2010 comes around, more and more girls will have heard that message.