Hello from Watford!

Alright, so here I am! Finally here in England with Tyler!!!! First of all, I have to point out: it's currently 9:20pm here and it's SO light outside. It looks as if it's about 6pm. Crazy! But so far, I am having a BLAST! We have gone all around Watford, gone to St. Albans to see the cathedral and city, went and visited his work offices...so many things! And still to come: two days in London, a day in Paris, a church BBQ, etc. WOW. It's been remarkable. Also, just to note...Tyler walks more in a day than I probably have in my entire 19 years combined. It's amazing. My feet hurt so badly at the end of the day. But I guess that's what you have to do when you don't have a car in a foreign country! :) It's also funny how not foreign this place is to him. I'm constantly taking pictures of everything, wanting to try new foods, amazed at all the buildings, immaturely smirk when people say "toilet" instead of "bathroom", so on and so forth. But it's so normal for him. He doesn't have to read a map to figure out the train and which station to get off at. He knows all the secret routes to places. He's even become friends with so many coffee/restaurant owners after visiting so often. I'm amazed at how many times we've been walking down the street or eating lunch and he gets up to go talk to someone he knows. It feels like I'm with my grandpa in Ventura all over again.

It's also been amazing to be around the people from his church. I have yet to go to a service or even see the church building, but just meeting the people...they all have been remarkable. I went to a cell group the other night, which is essentially just like a small group or Bible study and LOVED it. Even though I didn't know anyone there, I felt so comfortable. So many people went out of their way to talk to me and get to know me. That seems to be the theme for all of the people here. Even getting picked up from the airport on Sunday, Lydia waited in her car for nearly an hour and a half for Tyler to get me. The people here are just so selfless and giving. It seems like this is how the church should be. And at that cell group, we did a time of musical worship and it just seemed like every single person in that room was pouring out their soul. It wasn't that they were singing because everyone else was or because it was "time" to do it, but it was this deep desire they had to just praise the Lord. It was one of the few times in my life that I've seen that. And it made me want it.

Sure, I can do good deeds and participate in church services like the best of 'em, but there are so many times that my heart is just not in it at all. And I think God brought me to that cell group to remind me of how glorious that feeling can be. To bring me back to the heart of worship.

Needless to say, it's been a pretty incredible trip so far. About halfway done. It's been absolutely wonderful being with Tyler again. He was in the airport with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and I thought my heart was going to explode. :) And while we were planning our day in Paris tomorrow for my birthday, I decided that I am the luckiest girl alive to be doing this whole trip. It's a pretty great reward for a year apart. :)

Tomorow

Okay, so I leave tomorrow. As in, only one more night in my bed. My suitcase is totally packed. And this time tomorrow, I will be on a plane heading towards England & Tyler. It's so unreal. I just thought about all of it...meeting all those people, flying by myself for the first time, seeing him again after so many months...

I'll be honest: I'm getting a little nervous. And when I say nervous, I mean in an incredibly excited/thrilled kind of way, but nervous nonetheless. I mean, it's a pretty big deal! I can't believe it's real.

For the few people who have found out about this blog, just pray for safety and peace and a great time. :) I know that once I get there and see Tyler, everything will be fine. But until that point, there's some nerves.

Well, t minus 20 hours until I'm on that plane!! We'll see what sort of adventures lay ahead in the next two weeks!

Packing for London!

There's a great chance that packing may be THE most stressful thing in the entire world. I have friends like Katie Hill who are totally like, 2 hours before the flight kind of people. But not me. I started thinking about packing two weeks before my trip (I think that was just because I was so excited), got my suitcase out a week before, and now, 4 days before, I have made 3 different lists. Are you ready?

One list for what will go in my carry on. One list for my toiletries. And one list for what goes in my suitcase. Hahaha as I type that, I'm realizing how crazy it is. But I can't help it. I'm so bad at packing.

And considering my track record with lost luggage, I shouldn't even really bother. In all my flights I've gone on, my luggage has been lost more than it's arrived. It's probably about 60/40. So I shouldn't worry because the chances of my bag making it to London aren't very good. :)

Now, here I am. I was just making my lists and decided to take a break to write about it. This is how consumed my mind is. I know, again...it's crazy. I think a lot of it though is just excitement. Trying to figure out what I want to wear in Paris or our days in London. How many pairs of sweatpants I want to bring, because, let's face it, I kind of live in sweatpants. What kind of cute outfits I want to bring for dates...the usual. :)

4 more days. Wow. Pray my luggage makes it there in one piece....and me too!

One Week

Okay, so I leave for London in one week. Actually, exactly a week from now, I will be nearly 5 hours into my plane flight. Which means I'll be almost halfway there.

WOW.

It's so weird, looking back to January when he left again. Or February when I bought the ticket. It feels so long ago. And now, here I am, only 7 days away from seeing him again. From being able to hold his hand, go on a date, have a real conversation where we can make eye contact and hear each other without the constant dropped Skype calls.

Again, WOW.

In some ways, when I really think about it, this totally feels like someone else's life. I mean, seriously??? I'm flying to England to visit my boyfriend for two weeks??? I would have never imagined this is where I would be at 19. But I'm pretty happy about it. :)

It's amazing how much I've grown since July when we first said goodbye in that airport. Not knowing if we would make it or how God would use it. But my goodness, how He's used it. I feel like Tyler and I have both become more independent of each other but more wanting each other at the same time. If that makes sense at all. Maybe a better way to say it is that we've learned how to live without seeing each other, but through that, realized that we don't want to live that way. Wow, this is hard to explain. Haha. It's a pretty incredible feeling though.

Man, I can't wait to see him. I was talking to someone the other day and she was saying how she would give anything to have an "airport moment". You know, where you run into each other's arms and kiss and cry and say over and over how much you love each other. And don't get me wrong, having that moment in December was pretty romantic and wonderful. But I was also thinking about how being long-distance is SO romanticised. (Is that a word??) Girls at school would totally swoon when I said Tyler was in London. But honestly, I would rather have him with me every day than spend 5 months apart and get that airport moment.

It's been awesome to see how God has used it though. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be the person I am right now if Tyler had been here this year and our relationship wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't know how much I loved him and how much I wanted him in my life. It's so hard to find the balance....this whole past year, I would've given anything for him to be home and be able to talk to him whenever I want and be in his presence. But if I had that, I wouldn't have learned all that I did. I learned how to trust God. I learned how to trust people. I learned that God is absolutely mighty to save and is the best comfort in the world. I learned that it's okay to wait on God and that He has some pretty amazing things to open your heart to when you're still and patient and willing.

Yeah, it's been a pretty life-changing year. But I'm also ready for him to be home. Ah, the ambiguities of life. :)

Lessons from college

People always talk about how much they grow in college. How they mature and how much they learn about themselves. I would definitely agree. I learned a lot about who I am and what I like or don't like. I learned one thing in particular that will stay with me forever: I am terribly afraid of mice.

It was just another normal night in 220. Katie Hahn and I were watching America's Next Top Model, eating an assortment of snacks, and playing Bubble Shooter. You know, the usual. We were just about to find out whether or not Eva would be eliminated when...

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

This may be the loudest scream that has ever existed in the history of screaming. Just to give you an idea, it sounded like a 6-year-old who just heard rumors that Santa may or may not be real. Times 10. Yeah, it was THAT bad.

"THERE'S A MOUSE IN OUR ROOM!!!! I SAW IT! THERE'S A MOUSE!" Katie was now screaming into my ear as her irrational fear of mice was kicking in and tears were filling her eyes. Me, being the cool and calm girl that I am, kept telling her that I don't see it therefore she must be making it up. However, the little creepy crawler made it's way out from under the drawers and it was my turn to scream. (This was the exact moment I realized that I too had an irrational fear of mice.) Our eyes were glued to those drawers and eventually, we were caught in this cycle....Katie and I stare at the dresser, the mouse peeks out, we scream and grab each other, the mouse disappears back under the drawers and we continue staring. Over and over and over. The mouse might have even thought we were planning a game. Katie and I were not having fun.

"AHHHHH" Katie screamed once more, and then turned to me and said "Alex, stop screaming!"

"Katie, I didn't scream. You did." This was irrelevant to her.

"Well what should we do? That thing is disgusting. I'm not sleeping in here tonight." She insisted. So what did we do? Duhhh we called campus safety. I mean, what else would you do when there's a mouse in your room? Of course, right as we call and they answer, the mouse creeped out from under the dresser and we reconvened our game of screaming. While campus safety was on the phone. They must've thought we were being robbed during the phone call.

"No we're okay. We're okay. We just have a mouse in our room....Well, what should we do?....No, you don't understand. It's in our room right now and I can't sleep here...One of the roommates has a really irrational fear of mice and we can't just forget about it....Yeah, I know how to fill out a work order but that takes a couple days. What about tonight?...It's not going to crawl in our bed?...But it's really scary...No, I understand. Okay, thanks."

Needless to say, campus safety was of no help. So there we were, at 12:30am, huddled together on Katie's bed with nothing to do. Plan B? Check online. "How to kill a mouse instantly." Here were some ideas: drop something heavy on it? No, then it's guts would get everywhere. Set a mouse trap with cheese? No car or money to buy the trap and no cheese. Set a trap with peanut butter? Maybe. Spray it with disinfectant spray? YES!

Unfortunately, after about 10 minutes of spraying this mouse to death (no pun intended), we realized Katie's spray was "Toxic-free", which is great for humans, but not great when you're trying to kill a mouse. So now we had a wet, gross mouse running around our dorm room and still no way to get rid of it. Plan C? What any smart freshman would do....get our RA. Because I'm sure they do some sort of training as to how to kill of mice, right? So I knock in Vicki's door around 1:00am and after many tears & screams, we created a peanut butter trap and just sat there, waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Maybe the disinfectant spray did end up having a little bit of toxins in it and the mouse was dead? Maybe it crawled out and we didn't see it? "AHHHHH!!!!!!!" Nope, still in here.

For about another half hour, this tiny little mouse terrorized the three of us. Who would've thought one mouse could cause so much turmoil? Finally, Katie and I decided to very strategically get our pillows and blankets to go sleep in the study room because, as Katie kept insisting, there was NO WAY we were sleeping in the same room as that mouse. Right as I was about to get off her bed and grab my things as quickly as possible, Mr. Mouse has a different plan. I suppose he got tired of our game and he shot out from under my bed (who even knew that's where he was) and ran out the door. I ran after him and slammed the door shut, just in case he changed his mind and came back.

After all the drama settled down, Vicki left. Katie and I did yoga to calm ourselves down. We found a towel to stuff under the door and a blanket to put under the dresser, just in case. And for the rest of the year, we never left our door open. No snacks were left out unless they were in a Ziploc bag and we never kept cheese in our room. Never.

Needless to say, I no longer make fun of Katie for her fear of mice and now would defend her fear to the death. After a couple days, the jokes people made actually became funny to us and we didn't yell at people who left our door open for 10 seconds. We are growing. But, next time Mr. Mouse decides to stop by, we'll be ready with our peanut butter traps and TOXIC disinfectant spray.

Thoughts

I've been trying to decide lately if I want to make this blog public. Public meaning actually telling people I'm doing it.

I don't know...I guess I just feel like if I knew people will read it, I might be less honest. Try to "fit in" more or say the "right" thing. And I don't want that. I want to just write how I feel or what I think. Not to sugar coat it or phrase it differently. In my first blog when I talked about seeing the world from behind someone else's eyes...I guess I just want to make sure that I'm honest through all of this. To not cover anything up.

I really feel like this year God is trying to teach me to be myself, my true self. And I feel like I've been able to do that on this blog and I don't want to stop just because I know people will read it. I suppose that comes from my own heart though.

Ahhh oh life. It's so interesting being human. Like, we're SO aware of ourselves and what we say and do and how it will be interpreted by the people around us.. I highly doubt any other creature is that self-conscious.

I just read over this blog...it's all over the place. Haha. That's kind of where my mind is at tonight though. Scattered. I'm not really sure what the point of this one was. Just getting out my thoughts I guess.

P.S. 11 days until London. :)

Appreciation

This has been my life lately...

1. Watching One Tree Hill with Katie Hill (ha!) because she is finally realizing what an amazing show it is.
2. Hesitantly going to work
3. Already figuring out what I'm going to pack for London. I know, it's still 12 days away but packing for any trip is a lot for me. Packing for two weeks to another country to visit my boyfriend while I'm staying with someone I've never met...overwhelming. Haha but so unbelievably exciting.
4. Watching the Lakers/Dodgers with my dad (my current situation)
5. Eating/Snacking

So here I am. I realized today at work, somewhere between making 60 packets and 130 papers, that I am so ungrateful. I think we as a society have this ridiculous sense of self-entitlement. That we somehow deserve the world and if we don't get it, we become really frustrated. I know I do this. I complain about having to go work, but there are thousands of people in this country right now who would do anything to have a job. I'm sad that I still have 12 days until London....are you kidding me?? I'm going to London!!! There is no reason to be bummed that I still have 12 days. Whenever anything goes wrong in my life, I can't believe it. And yet, I don't deserve a thing.

I would like to be more thankful. To appreciate all the gifts I have more. To just love my life a little bit more. I mean, at what point in my life did I feel like I've earned anything? It says in Psalms that God has ordained every single day of our lives. And I don't think He has it planned for us to take anything for granted.

So starting now, I want to be more appreciative and less dramatic. I mean, c'mon...no one's life is perfect and I've got it pretty good. I've got friends to watch silly television shows with. I have a job to earn money. I have the incredible opportunity to go to London and visit Tyler. I have a good relationship with my dad and food to eat. Yup, I've got it pretty good.

McKenzie

Here's my confession:

I am totally becoming a dog person.

All 17 years of my life, I would never say I was a dog person. I liked to pet them and play with little puppies, but training & owning a dog just seemed like way too much work. However, then we got McKenzie. :)

I'm sitting here right now in the family room and she's just laying on her little carpet. All curled up in a little ball and her big brown eyes just staring at me. Now that I'm looking at her, her tail is wagging like crazy, making a big "boom" noise as it hits the wall behind her. She must think we're going to go play.

For those of you who don't know, McKenzie isn't exactly the world's greatest dog. I mean, she's adorable and playful and fairly obedient, but the truth is that she needs more exercise than my family can give her. And because of that, she has more energy than any living thing I've ever seen and uses that energy to dig holes in the backyard, chew up anything she can, and growl at the snakes/coyotes that somehow make their way into our yard.

Think "Marley and Me" on a smaller scale.

But somehow, through all of this, I have just fallen in love with this dog. It's one of my favorite things to just sit on the couch watching TV while she rests her head on my lap. Or to laugh at how content she is having someone rub her ears--her fav. :) Or to see what crazy-cute things she does next. Just yesterday, we looked outside and McKenzie was fully laying on top of my dad's flower bush, crushing them all but happy as could be.

The fact that I'm even posting a blog about a dog is proof enough that I have become a dog lover and someday when I'm married, I will absolutely be getting a dog. I just might not get one with so many energy... :)

First Day of Summer

Here is my first day of summer:

9:15am-Wake up. This is my first time sleeping in for weeks.
10:00am-Go to coffee with my mommy
11:15am-Go to Katie Hill's and watch clips of The Office...hilarious. Dwight setting the office on fire??? I love it.
11:45am-Walk to the Sponsellers house and eat Denise's AMAZING grilled cheese. Also got to meet all the adorable little kids. There was a mommy-baby pool party at their house and it was the cutest thing ever. I would love to do something like that when I have kids.
12:45pm-After a "quick" hi at the Sponsellers, Katie Hill and I went to the beach. It was probably 85 degrees....perfect beach weather. We even had the iPod, which made it that much better. Taylor Greig and Hayley Swan stopped by. Love them. Then we got too hot and left to go get popsicles :)
3:00pm-Came home and watched One Tree Hill...a necessary ingredient for any good day.
5:00pm-showered, ate dinner, and now here I am.

Here's what I have to do though: unpack all my stuff from college. Talk about the MOST overwhelming thing ever. It's all sitting in my living room right now, and my mom keeps reminding me that I need to move it. Hmmm no thanks. That sounds too hard today. :) Maybe tomorrow.

My countdown is shrinking. I'm on summer...booyah. London: 16 days. Birthday: 22 days. It's pretty great. Just like today :)

Love your neighbor

I think people are so interesting. Their habits, the way they interact with others, how they handle conflict, how they express joy, what makes them stress out, what energizes them, why they like or dislike things, why they listen to a certain kind of music, what they think about themselves and what happened in their life to make them think that, what motivates them, what makes them come alive....there are so many facets to a person and I LOVE trying to figure it all out. I think my favorite thing in the world is just sitting down and hearing a person's life story. Talking for hours and finding out their biggest fear or why they feel insecure about something.

It's also interesting how much it affects the people around them. Both good and bad. A vibrant, outgoing personality could cause someone to become more reserved, or it could cause them to become more outgoing themselves and feel more comfortable with who they are. It just depends on how your respond to it. I don't even know if this is making sense but I just love seeing people interact with each other.

However, it can be pretty heartbreaking to hear someone feeling left out or become insecure because of other people's actions. I have been thinking a lot today about how God wants us to interact with each other. Love your neighbor as yourself. Ahhh really??? I don't know about anyone else, but that is definitely in the top 3 on my list of impossible things to do. Sure, we all have our moments but to ALWAYS be loving other people more than ourselves??? How hard is that? But that's exactly what we're called to do. To serve those around us. To let them have the spotlight. To allow them that moment to feel like the most important person in the world. To be the first to volunteer to do the dishes so everyone else can socialize. To be the bigger person in a fight. To stop speaking out of anger in a fight. To not feel this insatiable need to be right all the time.

We need to be kinder to each other. This culture is so focused on number 1. Only yourself, all the time. But that's not how it's supposed to be. Sometimes, I really get frustrated with sin. I know how silly that sounds but really...just think how much easier life would be without it. And not just for ourselves. But for everyone! People wouldn't feel insecure. No one would feel left out or betrayed. There wouldn't be cliques. Everyone would have a friend and feel cherished. Feel loved and respected and valued. I think that is what loving your neighbor means...showing them that they have value. That they are worth enough to take the time to hold the door open for them. That they matter enough to stop and think before you say that thing you know will hurt them. We're all just so mean to each other all the time. And I'm totally guilty of it too. I can think of things that happened just today that I should've been kinder about. We all do it.

I want to learn more about this whole "love your neighbor" concept. It's so opposite of everything we're taught today. But I want to really learn what that would look like in my life. I want to make myself less and make Him greater. Make everyone else greater.

What a task...

OCD

I'm realizing lately how OCD I am. Maybe a little too much? For example, whenever I come back from a trip (or a weekend visit home from college) I upack immediately. Immediately. I can't stand having a duffel bag just sitting there, half full of dirty clothes. I also can't stand having a dirty room. Which I know, for anyone who's seen my room, sounds unbeliveable. But it's true. I don't have the energy or time to always keep it clean but it drives me nuts if it's not. Last night, I spent an hour and a half organizing my dresser. Ridiculous. I suppose it's good though...at least I'll stay organized the rest of my life! My mom always says I'll appreciate it when I have kids :)

In other news, today is the first day of finals. Since I don't have any tests today, I've spent the morning packing up my room (See???). All the pictures from the wall are packed away, half my clothes are in suitcases. The only books I still have are for my classes to study from. Everything just feels so empty! It's weird! I remember packing up my room at home to move into this one. Feels like only a couple weeks ago. And now, here I am getting ready to go back to Ventura! Crazy. But I'm excited to go home. I'm excited for what the summer holds and to have all of our high school friends back together. It will be good. It will be interesting to see how everyone's changed but I think it will be for the best.

Countdown to summer: 3 days
Countdown to London: 20 days
Countdown to birthday: 26 days
Plus Coldplay concert, Eric & Sarah's wedding, and Tyler coming home for good....

Yup, sounds like a good summer to me!

Great Day

It's been a pretty great day. So far, I woke up at 9:00 and went to Catalyst. Chris is a great speaker and I really feel like the Spirit moves in that building. The musical worship is also awesome. Then I came back and had some lunch. Yummm. I watched The Office, which I've missed. I'll be honest. Then I went and got a Mother's Day present for my mommy. Which is this Sunday, by the way. If anyone forgot, don't worry...I totally did too until yesterday. :) After getting a present for my mom, I shopped a little for myself. Of course I didn't get anything because I'm working on this whole "saving money" thing, but it was fun just to look.

Side note: I really hope by the time I get engaged, you can register at Cost Plus World Market. I am in love with that store!

I like days like today. Sunny and beautiful...about 75 degrees. Relaxing. With family. It's great.

It's just nice to have a break from the chaos of life. Only four more days of school. 21 days until London. And 27 days until my birthday. What a great month this will be! Hopefully I'll have a lot more days like today :)