For such a time as this

“And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” –Esther 4:14

Jesus reminded me of this verse tonight. I think it’s really easy to get caught up in ourselves…in our plan, our agenda, our dreams and ambitions. But something I have really been learning since last Fall is that all of our plans & dreams are secondary to the Lord’s.

Let’s be honest, it’s a pretty painful lesson sometimes. For example, right now I am sitting here thinking about how badly I want to be in Seattle and how I wish I could just go now instead of having to wait two more weeks. Two weeks?? My perspective on that is so twisted. Instead, I should be praising God that He is giving me this opportunity to go in the first place.

I know He is leading me to Seattle. But I also know that He has ordained all of my days for me, before I even came to be (Psalm 139), and that means that these two weeks in Ventura still have purpose. There is a reason I’m still here and didn’t move up there early.

And who knows? But maybe He’s brought me here for such a time as this.

Visiting Azusa

I went to Azusa this weekend. To be honest, the first few hours of it felt so strange. I haven’t been on campus since December and now I was going back, but I wasn’t moving anything in or planning on staying. It was weird to be a visitor.

Once I got over that initial weirdness (for lack of a better word), it was AMAZING. I got to see nearly half of my South Africa family, which was…oh man, just too good for words. On Friday, I got to have lunch with Allie & Kristen, and then throughout the day, randomly saw other people. I got to see Jon’s apartment, I went thrift store shopping with Lauren, I got dinner with Josh, I saw Katie in between her millions of RA training meetings ;)

Saturday was definitely the highlight though. Katie and I went out for coffee in the morning, and just spent a couple hours having uninterrupted conversation. Which we haven’t had the chance to do probably since we were in South Africa. Or maybe it just feels that way… Haha. But it was wonderful. We went back to campus and I got to catch up with Logan, freaked out when I saw Sarah Moll (and even met a new friend who is at SPU!), and then Katie and I went to Pasadena. This was our favorite thing to do when we went to APU, so we went down there, got some frozen yogurt, shopped for hours and finished the outing with dinner at a sushi place. I have to say…I love that girl. There is just no one quite like her in the whole world and I miss her so much when we aren’t together. It was such a treat to spend the weekend together.

Then Saturday night…oh my goodness. I just sent out a mass text to anyone from South Africa who’s number I had, saying to meet at this cookie place near school, hoping to see a couple more people before I had to leave that night. To my sweet surprise, probably 20 people came! Everyone was freaking out. Every time a new person walked in the door, we all screamed their name and there was a line of hugs. There was just so much love. From there, we went to Allie’s apartment and even more people showed up!!! By the end of the night, I probably saw 30 people from my group. And we all were just so happy. As Logan said, “I’ve had a smile on my face for the past two hours!” Haha.

As it got later, some people had to leave but about 10 of us stayed awhile longer, and ended up having such a sweet conversation about our summers. The things that were hard about transitioning, what the Lord has been teaching us through hardship, sharing memories of South Africa….I honestly can’t explain how great it was. I was sitting there, listening to everyone share, and it struck me how open we are with each other. As if these last 4 months apart didn’t even happen. I feel like I can share more with these people than some people I’ve known my whole life. It’s just the most amazing bond in Christ. He has united our hearts in a way I’ve never seen before and it’s the sweetest thing.

I was supposed to go home Saturday night at 9pm. But we were in Allie’s apartment at 9:30 and there was no way I was leaving these people yet. My heart just felt so full and happy and content. Peaceful. All summer, I have felt so lonely, and then lonely within my loneliness. I don’t really know how to explain that, but I guess I thought that I shouldn’t be feeling that way and that no one else felt lonely. But when everyone was sharing about their summer, every single person in that room said this summer, they felt lonely and purposeless and apathetic. Words I have used all summer long. There is something so sweet about realizing you aren’t alone in your feelings, and Jesus blessed me with that last night.

Ah, I honestly feel like I could talk all day about it but it was such a rejuvenating experience for my soul. So needed. Thankfully, the Lord is protecting my heart from regret or wishing I was staying at APU. I am still so, so excited for Seattle; I just wish all these people could come up there with me :)

But I’m thankful for that experience. I’m thankful I got to go to South Africa. And I’m so thankful for the family that came from it.

Jesus is blog worthy

I'll be honest...it's been weird to blog this summer. Ever since I've been home from South Africa. It just feels like I don't really have anything "blog worthy" to say. I guess after that trip--where every day was a new adventure--being in Ventura doesn't seem as exciting. At least, not exciting enough to write it down and post it for everyone to read.

But looking back, it has been a good summer. Not necessarily because of great vacations or awesome time with friends (which is normally how I judge my summer) but because of my growth in the Lord. I've met with Him in ways I have never experienced before and it is so sweet.

I went with my family to Arizona a couple weeks ago, and while we were there we took a day trip to the Grand Canyon. It was unbelievable. God's beauty just WOWED me. And when we were driving back to our hotel that night, I kept replaying those images in my head...images of one of God's most beautiful creations...while I was listening to "All I Need is You" by Hillsong. And I realized that although there are some things in my life that I don't understand or like, I have a personal relationship with the God who created the Grand Canyon. The God of the universe knows my name, knows every detail about me. I'll be the first to admit that I get caught up in the things of this world, but Jesus really is the only one I need. I mean, if He could create something that vast and beautiful, He surely can handle the little situations in my life.

I read this verse the other day and have been thinking about it a lot lately: "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." -John 21:25

That is so crazy to me. We don't even know the magnitude of Jesus' life on earth, and the little we do know is more than enough to bring us to our knees. Amazing. This is our God. Let us fall at His feet and worship Him.

Eyes and Ears

"It's not enough, however, to know where to look for God. We also need eyes and ears that can recognize the true knowledge of God when we come across it. For it could be that even as we look at Jesus Christ and read Scripture, as the prophet Isaiah put it, we "keep listening, but do not comprehend" and "keep looking, but do not understand" (6:9). Think of people who observed Jesus teach and heal and embody the life of God--and they saw nothing but a "false prophet" or a "political rebel". Our eyes and ears need a heart ready to receive the truth of God's reality rather than one that longs for the comforts of false gods."

Free of Charge by Miroslav Volf

"You can tell I'm from Africa..."

I'm sorry it's been forever. I've had some complaints (Hilary Green, this is your shout out) but I will try to be more consistent! :)

Life lately has been pretty good! I'm still babysitting all the time but I got to take a break from that and go with my family to Sedona for a week which was really fun. We did a bunch of hikes, took a day trip to the Grand Canyon, found a place called "Slide Rock" which is literally a slide from carved rocks covered in moss. It was a fun week and a nice time to get away from the chaos of life. I remember the first night there, I didn't have to set my alarm clock and it felt strange being able to sleep in. It was a great break.

Yesterday, I drove up to Santa Barbara to visit Lauren Klapp, a dear friend of mine from APU/South Africa. We spent hours just talking about life, friendships, still adjusting back to the States...everything. It was so good. Every time I hang out with her, I wish I could do it more often. The Lord has provided such a sweet friend in her and I'm so thankful.

And this weekend, my grandpa retired so the entire extended family came up to celebrate. It was a fun time to all be together and celebrate my grandpa, who normally does everything to get the attention off himself. He has such a servant's heart and it was nice to see him being so appreciated by our family and the church he worked for.

Funny story from this weekend: two of my cousins are adopted from Uganda, and they've been in our family for about 3 years now. They're 4 and 6 years old. When they came to our house, they walked into my room and Joseph (6) said, "Hey, it's Africa" referring to the picture Kalie painted for me hanging on the wall. Then Duane (4) saw my world map and pointed to Africa. I asked him if he had ever been there ;) and his response was priceless: "Yeah I was born there. You can tell I'm from Africa by the color of my skin!" I was dying laughing. So funny.

Well, I feel like my first post back should have some really important message or depth or something, but this is all I have for now. Hilary, I hope this satisfies you and gives you some reading material :)