I have some more funny things my nannying kids have said this week. I feel like this may be my whole summer...just repeating all the hilarious things they say.
I was showing Kian pictures I have in my wallet (he wanted to see a picture of my brother) and when he started looking through my wallet, he grabbed my money and said "Do you think I could have this?"
Kian and Chloe were eating lunch when, out of nowhere, Kian turns to his sister and says "Cheers!" while holding his cup in the air. They proceeded to do it over and over for a solid 3 minutes.
Kian and I were playing Hide and go Seek and when I was hiding, I heard him say to himself, "Where did my friend go?" :)
And my favorite...
Chloe was asking my about my birthday on Sunday.
Chloe: Can I come to your party?
Alex: You could, but I actually don't think I'm going to have one.
Chloe: You aren't going to have a party!?!?!?! Why not???
Alex: (not able to think of an answer) Well, my parents think 20 is a little old to have a party
Chloe: You should tell them to have better manners
“My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your Word.”
I have been so tired lately. My mind, body, heart, and soul are all just absolutely exhausted. It could be because I’m babysitting 5 days a week, which requires more energy than I expected. But it could also be because it feels like everything takes triple the energy it normally would since I’m still trying to adjust to being back. It’s a slow process. I mean, it hasn’t even been 3 weeks but it’s an odd feeling to be uncomfortable in a town you have lived your whole life in.
I think one of the hardest things is trying to figure out how to apply all these changes to my life. I am a different girl now than I was five months ago. I just am. People treat me the same but I don’t feel the same. One of my friends, who went through something similar to this, said to me once “I didn’t want to be “back”, I wanted to be different.” That’s how I feel. Everything seems exactly the same, especially in a small town like Ventura, but I’m not the same. It feels like people don’t realize what I’ve seen. They don’t understand the South Africans I met or the experiences I had. The memories or visual images I hold…you can’t understand unless you’ve been there and I am helpless to convey the importance. I am not the same, but I don’t know how to show that. I don’t know how those lessons I learned and the ways I grew apply here in this context. I know my life needs to look different but I don’t know how. I don’t know where to go from here.
Church on Sunday was absolutely amazing though. The Lord completely spoke through Britt and touched my heart. He’s been speaking on Mark 5, and this week focused on verses 18-20.
“As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.”
It’s been hard being home, but I’ve been trying to remind myself (and praying for God’s little reminders) that the Lord brought me home for a reason. It’s weird and I don’t always like it but when Britt was talking Sunday, I felt like God was calling me to share about my South African experience in a way that glorifies Him.
Britt was saying that you are the best person to reach your people. We understand the culture, the questions, the problems, etc. God is so strategic to use you as you are, where you are. We are the best missionaries to our hometown because we understand all this. I’ve been so bummed to be home, and this was such an encouraging reminder that God has me here for a reason. It’s not like He can only use me in South Africa, even if it does feel that way sometimes. It can feel purposeless here, but it’s not! It’s really not.
Another reason Britt gave for us being the best missionaries to our people is because they’re the best witnesses of our transformation. The transformed life gives attention to Jesus. And I could not agree with that more. The Lord completely changed my perspective and my heart while I was gone, and like I said, I feel like a large reason He brought me back here is to share that growth.
It’s been quite the journey. I have days where I’m thankful to be in Ventura, and days where I would give absolutely anything to go back. I still feel like I’m not exactly sure where my place is in this culture but I’m praying God will open my eyes to it. That He will show me how to be the best missionary I possibly can in my hometown. And that my experience in South Africa will not go to waste, but bring Him glory in every possible way.
I found a nannying job for the summer (Praise the Lord!) and have been doing that everyday this past week. Although it's completely exhausting, there are little moments throughout the days that I can't help but smile. I babysit two kids, Chloe who is 4 and her little brother Kian who is 2. Because Chloe has preschool, swimming lessons, and ice skating, I spend most of my time with Kian. He is an absolute doll. I'll try to post a picture soon :) He has this big beautiful green eyes and dark hair, and makes an angel face when he does something wrong. He keeps me laughing all day long, and I wanted to share a few things he said ;)
(While playing trucks...)
Me: Wow Kian, you're really big and strong!
Kian: Thanks. You're pretty big and strong too, I guess
Me: What's your favorite thing to eat?
Kian: Dinner
He loves it when I make an elephant noise and wave my arm in the air like a trunk, so he always says "Do it again!" which actually sounds like "Duit aain"
We found a snail the other day (which we spent 45 minutes looking at...he was fascinated) and this was just part of our conversation
Me: Look how slimy it is
Kian: Why is it like that?
Me: I don't know. God just made it that way
Kian (pauses) I'm glad God didn't make me that way!
Yesterday, he asked me--completely randomly--what Thanksgiving was about. I told him the whole long story about the pilgrims and Indians, trying to make it simple. When I was done, his only response was: "And it's about pumpkins!" :)
I've only babysat Kian for a week, but I already just love him. It's interesting babysitting after South Africa, though. Oddly enough, it's strange to be with white kids. The other day, Kian was doing something he shouldn't and I said "CHA!" which means "no" in Zulu. Obviously though, Kian doesn't speak Zulu so he just kinda looked at me like I was crazy. It's also hard for me when they don't finish their food. Which is very normal for any kid in our society to not want to finish eating. It's not some fault of theirs. But it's kind of surreal throwing away 3/4 of a sandwich when I remember little Nakona, being malnourished most of her life, would eat every last crumb of her food and then cry when it was gone, out of fear that she might not eat again. It's just a very different world.
It's good though. I am thoroughly enjoying these two precious children and God is providing much needed energy every day :)
…being able to use my cell phone and have people always get a hold of me.
…how far away Africa feels.
...that when I got on the freeway today, there was a sign saying "pedestrians and cyclists prohibited" yet in Africa, people walk on the freeways all the time
…that everyone around me sounds just like me, no more accents.
…that I notice when everyone around me is white, and that I feel uncomfortable about it
Being home is strange. It’s not traumatizing. It’s not wonderful. I really don’t know what to say about it. I like being with my friends from home. I love driving on Foothill and seeing the ocean almost anywhere I go. Eating Mexican food again is incredible. But I don’t know. It’s not great, but it’s not bad. It’s just…happening.
I’ve been more aware of things. Like what I said about noticing everyone around me being white…that is something I never took note of before I left. But now it’s something that stares me down everywhere I go. I did some laundry and, for the first time in about a month, my clothes feel and smell clean. It’s also been weird for me to take showers everyday. I feel like it wastes so much water. I don’t know. It’s been interesting, what I notice and what feels strange.
And my room suddenly feels huge. It's amazing to me that I have all that space just for me and all my stuff. Today, I decided to finally unpack my suitcase and in the process, somehow ended up getting rid of a massive pile of clothes. The funny thing is that I did this right before I left for South Africa, and my perspective on what clothes I "needed" has changed drastically. As I went through them all today, I realized I kept shirts that I haven't worn in years, but I thought someday I might need it again. Someday. My concept of necessity has shifted.
A few days ago, I went to Starbucks to write. These were my thoughts:
“It’s funny because this feels normal. I have come to Starbucks to write so many times. But within the normality of it, I notice all these random details that remind me I was not here for four months. It’s pretty amazing how different the two worlds are.
“I wonder what it would be like for a South African to come here. I wonder what they would think of it. I wonder what would be different than they expected. They would probably wonder where all the diversity is; how this “melting pot” can look so white. They would probably be shocked by how much food we throw away, and be surprised to find that we don’t all live next door to celebrities. They would probably be really overwhelmed by how quickly everything happens here. They would miss their tea time.
“It was funny looking at my wall map yesterday. Before I left, the only cities I knew were Cape Town, Durban, and Pietermaritzburg, although I struggled to pronounce PMB until about December. But looking at it now, I see Port Elizabeth and George and East London. And all six of those cities are no longer just labeled dots on a map; they are places that hold memories and places I have grown to love. They are places that contain people who I will never forget. It’s amazing what a few months away can change.”
I'm back in the States! It's really strange. I mean, it's wonderful to see my family and to eat In-N-Out again, but it's incredibly overwhelming. I forgot how huge my house is. I forgot how wide the freeways are and how smoggy the air is. I forgot how many clothes I had in my closet. I forgot a lot of things.
It's so surreal to be sitting in my room right now. I'm exhausted. The clock on my computer is still on South Africa time...
3:24am, Friday morning.
But it's only 6:24pm, Thursday evening.
I don't totally understand it yet. It doesn't make sense that, two days ago, I was in South Africa and now I'm in Ventura again. It's as if none of it ever happened. But it did.
Man, jet lag and culture shock and re-entry are a bad combination
Everything about being here is so wonderful. Whenever I go to write a new blog, I struggle to start it because I can’t decide what to write about first. I feel like every single thing I do is so fun or so impactful that I have to share it. I could write a book with all the thoughts I have about these past four months. God has done crazy things and I’ve had so much fun. It’s been quite the journey. Here's the update on my last weekend in South Africa...
Friday, I got to journal a little bit in the morning as I watched the sunrise over the ocean. I realized how much I love mornings…the tranquility of them is wonderful. It’s such a peaceful start to the day, and it doesn’t hurt that the view is beautiful. :) We had class Friday morning, which was really good. We talked about how we’re processing going home, our reactions to certain things since we’ve been here…it was a good mini-debrief time. The rest of the day was very relaxing. I spent majority of the day finishing my last homework assignments for the semester, swapping pictures with people, talking to my roommates (who I’m going to miss SO MUCH), and just laying around. I truthfully cannot remember doing that once on this whole trip because we are always going, going, going, so it was a nice break.
Saturday was so fun!! It was my friend Hilary’s birthday so a group of us went to a little district of Cape Town called Woodstock, to a huge market there. It was at the Old Biscuit Mill and was awesome! There were tons of food vendors. Katie and I shared a crepe, a smoothie, lemonade, and a schwarma, which were all delicious. We basically ate our way through that market. :) Then we went into all the little shops, which had such fun stuff! It was different than the typical African things we see in every city we go to, so it was cool to look through it all. I got a few things, including an adorable vintage frame that I am obsessed with. We got back late afternoon, and I ended the night watching a movie & eating ice cream with my roomies :) Wonderful.
Today is Sunday and it has been such a good day! A group of us girls woke up very early to get breakfast and catch the train into Cape Town to go to Hillsong Cape Town for church. I LOVED the service. Truthfully, it reminded me a lot of Reality. The pastor even looked like Britt. Haha. The message he gave was really powerful. We all were talking about it for nearly two hours after. He said so many encouraging things about waiting on the Lord, trusting in his power, expecting Him to move, the purpose of prophecy, the power of your testimony…ahh, all of it was good! Our group kept talking about how it was such an encouraging message to hear right before going home. Everything he said was totally from the Lord because it was exactly what we needed to hear. I’m so thankful for this morning.
Now, we’re all packing up at BI to move to our hotel in Cape Town. Like I said before, we are staying there for the next few days before we fly home! I won’t have Internet, unless I find an Internet café so this may be my last post! If it is, I want to say thank you to you all! It has meant so much to me, knowing you all care enough to read my blog and stay updated on everything that’s been going on for me overseas! Getting your comments or emails about it has given me encouragement and joy. So THANK YOU! I will be back in the States so soon and would love to get together with any of you to talk about my trip :) I love you all!
“Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” -Romans 12:1-2
