It's Weird...

It’s weird…

…being home.

…watching TV again.

…being able to use my cell phone and have people always get a hold of me.

…how far away Africa feels.

...that when I got on the freeway today, there was a sign saying "pedestrians and cyclists prohibited" yet in Africa, people walk on the freeways all the time

…that everyone around me sounds just like me, no more accents.

…that I notice when everyone around me is white, and that I feel uncomfortable about it

Being home is strange. It’s not traumatizing. It’s not wonderful. I really don’t know what to say about it. I like being with my friends from home. I love driving on Foothill and seeing the ocean almost anywhere I go. Eating Mexican food again is incredible. But I don’t know. It’s not great, but it’s not bad. It’s just…happening.

I’ve been more aware of things. Like what I said about noticing everyone around me being white…that is something I never took note of before I left. But now it’s something that stares me down everywhere I go. I did some laundry and, for the first time in about a month, my clothes feel and smell clean. It’s also been weird for me to take showers everyday. I feel like it wastes so much water. I don’t know. It’s been interesting, what I notice and what feels strange.

And my room suddenly feels huge. It's amazing to me that I have all that space just for me and all my stuff. Today, I decided to finally unpack my suitcase and in the process, somehow ended up getting rid of a massive pile of clothes. The funny thing is that I did this right before I left for South Africa, and my perspective on what clothes I "needed" has changed drastically. As I went through them all today, I realized I kept shirts that I haven't worn in years, but I thought someday I might need it again. Someday. My concept of necessity has shifted.

A few days ago, I went to Starbucks to write. These were my thoughts:

“It’s funny because this feels normal. I have come to Starbucks to write so many times. But within the normality of it, I notice all these random details that remind me I was not here for four months. It’s pretty amazing how different the two worlds are.

“I wonder what it would be like for a South African to come here. I wonder what they would think of it. I wonder what would be different than they expected. They would probably wonder where all the diversity is; how this “melting pot” can look so white. They would probably be shocked by how much food we throw away, and be surprised to find that we don’t all live next door to celebrities. They would probably be really overwhelmed by how quickly everything happens here. They would miss their tea time.

“It was funny looking at my wall map yesterday. Before I left, the only cities I knew were Cape Town, Durban, and Pietermaritzburg, although I struggled to pronounce PMB until about December. But looking at it now, I see Port Elizabeth and George and East London. And all six of those cities are no longer just labeled dots on a map; they are places that hold memories and places I have grown to love. They are places that contain people who I will never forget. It’s amazing what a few months away can change.”