Not quite there...

I feel like the past three months have been FILLED with lessons. Lessons about myself, lessons about other people, but mostly ways I need to grow.

Do you ever pray for something, but you're kind of half praying for it because you know that if God says "yes", it's going to just totally kick your butt? Like, you pray for God to reveal ways to grow, but then once He does, you actually have to do something about it??? That's how I feel. I prayed for God to help me learn to embrace myself and the person He created me to be. I prayed that He would show me any facet of myself that I hide in order to look better or to fit in....and He did. So now it's up to me to work on it. Ughhh...

I need to stop worrying about what other people think. I need to stop comparing myself to other people. I heard someone say once that comparison is the thief of joy. How true is that??? We were all happy with ourselves until someone told us that Jane was prettier than we were or that Sarah was more athletic. That I couldn't sing like Rachel or wasn't as funny as Steven. But God made us all so perfect. In Psalm 139, it says that our days were ordained by God. Which is kind of the coolest concept ever. But then, if God ordained our days and if God created us, wouldn't He have made us perfectly for those days? Wouldn't He have given us the exact tools we need in order to offer Him our best service?

It seems like such an easy concept. But it's hard to get myself there...to fully love myself just as God created me. I wish I did but I'm not quite there yet. Still praying, still growing, still learning. Trying to eliminate the negative voices that tell me I'm not good enough, and replace them with God's whispers of love. Always a process.

P.S. 26 days until London. Yesssss.

Behind Your Eyes

So...I've been told by a lot of people that I should start a blog. I'm honestly not sure what I'll write on here though. I suppose it's just a great place to get your thoughts out. For me, writing is so therapeutic. It's a way to process all the craziness of life. It's a way to pray. It's a way to be still.

As I was creating this blog, I was listening to "Behind Your Eyes" by Jon Foreman. I couldn't help but think how perfect that was. Isn't that the whole purpose of a blog? To let other people see the world from behind your eyes? To let them know what your fears are and how incredibly human you are? To experience that sense of connectedness with someone else, knowing that at least one other person in the world has felt the exact same way you do?

I love that feeling. That I'm not alone...it's pretty great.

At the this time in my life, I have only 2 weeks left in my freshman year of college. Actually, I guess technically I only have 10 days left. It's the most bizarre feeling in the world. I can remember being in 3rd grade, playing "College" with my Barbies...I was a dork. Haha. But I remember thinking how grown up I would feel and how mature I would be when I was in college. Yet here I am, a fourth of the way done, and I've never felt younger. I suppose that's good though. I think I'm realizing how much I don't know and how many things I haven't experienced. I am SO young and have SO much life still to live. 18 used to sound like an adult, but being a month away from 19...I'm not so sure.

It's definitely different than I expected. College, I mean. Maybe I was expecting the most glamorous possible version of it, but it's been hard for me. Being away from home was harder than I expected and not having the initial security of the friendships I grew up with was weird. I think that word sums it all up: weird. I've lived in the same city my whole life and many of the friendships I have are based off of years growing up together. It was so strange being thrown into a whole new world (cue the Aladdin soundtrack) with none of the securities from home.

I suppose that's life though...growing up. Being uncomfortable. Maturing because of it. I'm in that growing phase for sure. But that's a blog for another time...